- “Johnny, we’re paying A.J. our standard $25,000 per season but I can go a little higher to make you my quarterback.”
Week 4 of College Football is just about upon us and the DCIAB crew is back for another set of picks! As a reminder, this is a weekly feature, publishing every Thursday during the season. Anyone is invited to pick with us in the comments and we’ll throw the standings of the peanut gallery up each week. If you finish first, we’ll send you a signed picture of Johnny Manzeil—and he made us pay him $7,500 to sign the picture so you’d better appreciate it. (Note to the NCAA: This is a humorous fabrication; Johnny Manziel did not do this for us. Also, tell Mark Emmert he’s a dunce. This concludes our note to the NCAA.) Let’s take a quick look back at Week 3 and then get to this week’s picks.
Johnny Football and Co. hosted the big, bad boys from T-Town last Saturday in a shootout to determine the early season favorite in the
Confederacy SEC. Johnny Manziel torched the vaunted Crimson Tide defense en route to 42 points and a Texas A&M (+7.5) cover of the spread. Unfortunately for him, Texas A&M doesn’t even have a defense and ‘Bama rolled to a 49-42 win that wasn’t actually as close as the score indicated. (Damn you, backdoor covers!!) After the game, the ‘Bama Klan rolled back to Tuscaloosa, with their claim to White Southern Supremacy firmly staked. The way this program is rolling, it’s hard to say what will happen first: the Tide won’t win the National Championship or the prestigious frats in Tuscaloosa will actually let people that aren’t white in! (Yep, that’s two links of gross racism, not just one! Warning, both contain some language that is NSFW.) Don’t hold your breathe on either. Roll Tide! SEC PRIDE!!
In other games that don’t make me want to run down to the visiting team’s campus and remind people it’s not 1859 anymore, UCLA (+4.5) beat the stuffing out of Nebraska so badly that I almost feel too badly to post the video of Taylor Martinez’s throwing motion again. After this post I’ll retire it, but let’s do this one more time, people. For old time’s sake:
Washington (-9.5) received an admirable effort from the underdog Illini and narrowly covered the spread in a 10-point win. Western Michigan (+32) easily covered against a Northwestern team understandably on autopilot. Poor damn Wisconsin (+5). No snarky comments from me this week directed at the Badgers; they got jobbed.
The standings to date:
- Bob 12-3
- Harry 10-5
- Matt 8-7
And the peanut gallery! Standings are listed by total wins, not winning percentage.
- Michael W 11-4
- Creed Tucker 6-4
- Thomas Bechtel 6-4
- mdrose16 3-2
- Arnim Whisler 3-2
- PIZZA CATS 2-8
- Nik Valdiserri 1-4
Without further ado, I present the games for Week 4! Illinois is off this week, so like last week we will pick three national games. As a reminder, the lines come from Danny Sheridan and all game times are eastern.
Maine at #18 Northwestern (-30), 3:30, Big Ten Network
Northwestern concludes their non-conference slate with some friends from the FCS in what should be just another sleeper in a week full of them. In fairness, Maine does appear to be one of the better offerings from FBS’s runt brother, with a 3-0 record and a 24-14 win over (barely) FBS opponent UMass.
Tennessee at #19 Florida (-16), 3:30, CBS
Both teams enter this game reeling, with the Gators still yet to play since the Driskel Debacle (TM) at Sun Life Stadium two weeks ago. Meanwhile, Tennessee went up to Eugene last Saturday and lost 237-14 (all numbers approximate) to the Ducks. The SEC is so good, man. I’m telling you. It’s definitely not just Alabama and Johnny Football making a bunch of nobodies look great. SEC, man. SEC. SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE, dudes. SEC PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just brings tears to my eyes, y’all. Tears to my sweet, Sourthern eyes.
Michigan State at #22 Notre Dame (-6.5), 3:30,
Bend Over for ND Network NBC
Wait, Notre Dame is still ranked? Let’s run down their resume real quick: A home win over 0-3 Temple, a convincing loss to a Michigan team that pretty much lost to Akron, and an escape at Purdue. Yes, the same Purdue that lost to Cincinnati by five touchdowns. Notre Dame being ranked is crazy. Next, you’re going to tell me that Michigan State and their punch line of an offense is ranked in the Coaches Poll and just the first team out in the AP poll. Wait, WHAT?!?!?!
Savannah State at #16 Miami (-56), 7, ESPN3.com
Ah, college football. It brings us such wonderful things like tailgating on a beautiful autumn Saturday, the mighty roar of thousands in stadiums across the country, and 50-60 point spreads when Top 25 schools play teams like Savannah State. Just in the first three weeks of the season, Savannah State has lost to Troy 66-3 and something called Georgia Southern 77-9. Anyone that actually bets real money on this game should seek help immediately for their gambling addiction. In fact, I’ll help you out. Please, call the National Council on Problem Gambling’s hotline at 800-522-4700 as soon as possible or visit their website. It gets better.
#23 Arizona State at #5 Stanford (-7.5), 7, FOX
Stanford’s first real game of the season (sorry fellas, Army doesn’t count) brings a pretty staunch test to Palo Alto in the form of the Sun Devils, who are undefeated* and fresh off an exciting win* against Wisconsin! Let’s get to the picks!
Maine at NW Sigh. Yet another game with a huge line that the FBS team could easily cover if they wanted to, but with no guarantee they will try to do so. There’s little evidence as to Maine’s merit (or lack thereof) aside from a 34-3 loss at Boston College last year, a team Northwestern beat last season. I’ll take the ‘Cats, but who really knows? Northwestern -30
TENN at FLA You’re telling me that I get to bet against Jeff Driskel AND I actually receive 16 points for doing so? Don’t the scheduling Gods know that my birthday doesn’t come until March? Tennessee +16
MSU at ND While I will never doubt Notre Dame’s ability to blow a game they should easily win based on the talent disparity between them and their opponent, this one also feels like a gift. “Atrocious” is being far too kind to Michigan State’s offense, and the only way I see them even getting into the 14-17 point range in this game is if Tommy Rees gives them a few really bad turnovers. (Thinking…gulp.) I’ll retract calling this line a gift, but the pick remains the same. Notre Dame -6.5
SSU at MIA Guh why is this game even on our stupid schedule? Guh guh guh guh guh guh. Miami -56
ASU at STAN Because of what happened last week, the Karma Gods (they totally exist, you guys) are going to be out to get Arizona State this week. (This pick has everything to do with the Karma Gods, and not the fact that Stanford is just a much better team than Arizona State by the way.) Stanford -7.5
Last week: 3-2
I’m currently busy with #CollegeLifr (typo is purposeful) with, you know, classes and stuff, so I’ll have to keep this thing pretty quick, although I am as confident as I usually am in my picks this week. I’ll be back with more analysis you don’t care about next week.
Maine at NW Northwestern won’t be trying too hard just like the last couple games, but I see them covering the spread here. I don’t think there needs to be much analysis. Northwestern -30
TENN at FLA Can Florida score sixteen points? Probably, but I don’t think they can outscore Tennessee by 16. Tennessee +16
MSU at ND I was going to say Notre Dame won’t cover this spread as these teams have been known to play in some recent classics, but then I remembered how much of a joke Michigan State’s offense is. Notre Dame -6.5
SSU at MIA Savannah State is a joke. I will never forget their opening week loss last year to Oklahoma State in which they were shut out and gave up 84 points. I hate giving up points usually, especially this many, but I have to do it here. Miami -56
ASU at STAN I’m a big fan of Stanford this year, and that Arizona State win was a joke last week. Plus, this one is in Palo Alto, and the Sun Devils are not known for winning big games away from home. Stanford -7.5
Last Week: 5-0
Maine at NW There’s really no rhyme or reason to picking games with such a huge spread, and I hate it. I need logical things to base my decisions on, or at least a strong gut feeling one way or the other. I have no emotions about this game. Northwestern will probably win by more than 30, but it’s a big spread. Whatever, man. One last thing: beginning this week, I’m going to give an actual score prediction along with each pick, just for giggles to see how wrong I am (as if my 8-7 record weren’t enough). Northwestern -30 (NW 49 Maine 7)
TENN at FLA I think Harry may be a little biased because he saw that absolutely worst performance (turnover-wise) that the Florida offense and Jeff Driskel could muster in their game against the U. Florida is still a very good team, especially on defense, and Tennessee is pretty terrible. I’ll take Florida to cover due to their great D terrorizing a meh offense. Florida -16 (FLA 31 TENN 13)
MSU at ND By some act of divine authority, Michigan State was able to muster offensive points last week against a horribly overmatched Youngstown State squad, winning 55 (!) to 17. While I certainly don’t trust the Spartan offense based solely on that performance, I’m more worried about the Fighting Irish right now. Their linebackers have really struggled in pass coverage. Purdue was able to throw the ball around on short dumps/screens and quick routes underneath the defense. Michigan State will probably employ a similar gameplan and have enough firepower on defense to keep this one close (and really, really ugly). That said, I still believe Notre Dame will pull it out. Michigan State +6.5 (ND 20 MSU 16)
SSU at MIA Last time I took the better team to cover the gigantic spread (NW -32 vs WMU), they disappointed me. This time, I won’t be fooled again! Miami -56 (MIA 84 SSU 3)
ASU at STAN Arizona State played a great game *cough* against Wisconsin on Saturday ni-*cough*-ght. So, one can only *cough* expect them to–*loud throat-clearing sound* OKAY OKAY I KNOW THEY PAID OFF THE REFS. Stanford -7.5 (STAN 35 ASU 24)
Last week: 2-3
Season: 8-7 (God I suck)