1. This guy who unfortunately belongs to the same species as I do.

2. This idiot with a saw and his two even more idiotic friends who sit there and watch him use the saw.

3. This stupid dog.

4. This fat penguin.

5. Women everywhere! (Wait, I can’t make offensive generalizations about large groups of people unless they’re straight white guys?)

6. Sorry about that! Look how awful straight white guys are! God, they all suck.

7. Okay, getting a little off track here.

8. Wow, it’s almost like content in this form restricts any possible nuance in writing and caters to the lowest common denominator of complete morons.

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9. Seriously, is there a character limit on how much I can type per number or someth

10. Let’s get back to the program! This dumbass.

11. This dimwit who is likely going to commit what should be a felony someday by having children and giving them no choice but to inherit his intellect.

12. This fat guy.

13. This guy who’s not fat, but still quite dense.

14. Everyone behind the How I Met Your Mother finale.

15. A certain blogger who posts a half-assed parody of an often-parodied website just to get something up on his site because he hasn’t posted since the How I Met Your Mother finale.