Harry is literally the worst person on the face of the Earth, so DCIAB is a bit late this week and I was forced into writing it up under threat of firing squad execution. Worse still, it’s Halloween week and Halloween is the worst holiday in existence, including Valentine’s Day. That’s right, I said it. Halloween sucks. Even at college. Fight me. Now, let’s get down to the serious footballz.

Last week:

  • Illinois (+6.5) somehow survived a second half beat-down by the Gophers and won outright
  • Georgia Tech (+3) forced Pitt to fumble on their first five possessions and carried the early lead to a win.
  • Michigan State (-17) committed a minimum of three felonies as they tore Michigan apart limb from limb.
  • LSU (+3.5) basically just head-butted Ole Miss for three hours and walked away with a win.
  • UTAH (PK) won on a last-minute pick play in the end zone, not too unlike the one for which Notre Dame was penalized.

This week’s standings, in which I have ~*~*~*TAKEN_THE_LEAD*~*~*~:

Season Last Week
Matt 22-23 2-3
Harry 21-24 1-4
Bob 19-26 2-3

And the splits:

We All Agree  10-13
Matt Alone  3-1
Bob Alone  4-5
Harry Alone  5-4

Here’s the peanut gallery. Next week, you’ll need 30 total picks to remain in the table.

Winning Percentage Season Record Last Week
Andrew Kelley .566 17-13 1-4
Creed Tucker .533 24-21 2-3
Andrew Hunt .533 16-14 2-3
Mike .433 13-17 1-4
Bobby .350 14-26 2-3
Drew .314 11-24 0-5

This week, all three of our teams are finally back in action. Those games plus two ranked match-ups comprise the five we’ll pick this week. As usual, all lines come from Pinnacle and game times are eastern.

Northwestern at Iowa (-4), 12:00, BTN

North Carolina at Miami (FL) (-14.5), 12:30, ESPN3

Since losing by 17 on the road at Virginia Tech, North Carolina has quietly patched up some of their issues. Their last three games: a seven-point loss at Notre Dame, a five-point win against Georgia Tech, and a one-point win at Virginia. Their mission is to bring back the possibility of every ACC Coastal contender finishing 4-4. This would be glorious, and should happen, so I am rooting for North Carolina this weekend. Sorry, Harry. [ED Harry: It’s okay. I’m sorry that you have to watch Illinois football on a week-to-week basis.] 

#7 TCU (-3.5) at #20 West Virginia, 3:30, ABC/ESPN2

Gary Patterson’s new offense is proving to be one of the best in the country. Weirdly, West Virginia has actually shown some solid defense this year. Those two units will meet in Morgantown with College Gameday watchi–COUNTRY ROADDDDDDS, TAKE ME HOOOOOOME–

#3 Auburn at #4 Ole Miss (-2.5), 7:00, ESPN

Last time Auburn played a Mississippi school, they turned the ball over on approximately their first infinity possession en route to a loss. I’m no football coach, but I’d advise Auburn to not destroy their chances of winning the game.

Illinois at #16 Ohio State (-28.5), 8:00, ABC

Well, Illinois beat Minnesota last week. That’s probably about as good as it will get for me as an Illini fan this ye–TO THE PLAAAAAAAAACE, I BELONGGGGGGGG. WEST VIRGINIAAAAAAAAAAAAA…


Matt: I really have no idea what to think about this game. Northwestern has settled into B1G mediocrity, a place Iowa has been in all year long (anyone who thought they’d win the division: you are stupid) [Hi, Tom Dienhart]. Between two bad-average teams, I suppose I’ll just take the points. Northwestern +4

Harry: First off, apologies for how much I suck. I really suck so much and I will try to suck less in the future. However, I wouldn’t sit on a hot stove waiting for that to happen if I were you. Northwestern always plays Iowa pretty well and I’m quite confident taking them on the road. This shitty Iowa team shouldn’t get to lay more than a field goal against ANYONE. Well, maybe Michigan. Okay, maybe Illinois too. But that’s it. Northwestern +4

Bob: My confidence in Northwestern is pretty low right now, but a hobbled Trevor Siemian and beaten up Justin Jackson were fortunate to have a bye week last week (as was Iowa, for the record). It’s tough to have any idea how this game will go, but I think Northwestern is the more talented and perhaps better coached team, and they have proven they can win decently tough games. It feels weird that all three of us picked Northwestern because I’m not at all sure of this, but whatever. Northwestern +4

North Carolina-Miami:

Matt: This line is tough, because both teams have been rapidly improving their play as of late. Aside from the weird game against Georgia Tech, Miami has looked really solid in their recent games, which makes me want to pick them… but I cannot. The spread is too dang high. North Carolina +14.5

Harry: According to our lord and savior Bill Connelly of Football Study Hall, Miami has a better than 90% chance of winning this game. While I am quite confident in the ‘Canes, that seems a bit high, as does this line. Miami wins, but two touchdowns is a lot to give up. North Carolina +14.5

Bob: All the advanced statistics LOVE Miami. F/+ places them above Notre Dame and Baylor, among other top-ranked teams. North Carolina has been steady throughout ACC play. Although Miami is probably the best team they have played besides Notre Dame – to whom they lost by seven on the road – the Tar Heels look to be a solid team that can keep this game within reach. North Carolina +14.5

TCU-West Virginia:

Matt: Dana Holgorsen seems to have, for the first time ever, put together a solid defense in Morgantown this season. They held a depleted Baylor squad well below their offensive potential in an upset win and I expect them to hold TCU under the EIGHTY-TWO POINTS they scored last week against Texas Tech. That said, and I know the danger of a home favorite, I have a feeling that TCU is going to come out and smoke the Mountaineers. TCU -3.5

Harry: I’m too lazy to write out rationale for my pick for this one. TCU -3.5

Bob: I have been on the TCU bandwagon all year, but this West Virginia team has been stout, having only lost to Alabama and Oklahoma. Still, the Mountaineers lost by 12 at home to Oklahoma – who is worse than TCU – so that gives me some added confidence in taking the Horny Frogs. Sorry for the unanimity in picks. TCU -3.5

Auburn-Ole Miss:

Matt: Well. I finally, FINALLY decided to put faith in one of the Mississippi SEC teams last week and bet the farm on Ole Miss covering over a crappy LSU squad. Predictably, Ole Miss lost outright and only scored seven points. This week, I will be betting on Auburn to not only cover, but win this game. Inevitably, Ole Miss will win by twenty. Auburn +2.5

Harry: I would rather eat a Subway sandwich—transparent mystery meat and all!—than pick against Ole Miss at home while laying less than a field goal. Mississippi -2.5

Bob: Just like Alabama-Mississippi was at the time, this matchup pits F/+ #1 Mississippi defending Oxford against a #2 juggernaut out of Alabama. As tough as it is to pick against a team as strong as Mississippi at home, I really have faith in Gus Malzahn, Nick Marshall, and Auburn – even on the road in such an environment. Mississippi showed last week it can struggle to score, as it posted just seven points against an LSU defense on which Auburn dropped 41. I see this as a pretty close and low-scoring affair, but I like Auburn to come away with a victory. Auburn +2.5

Illinois-Ohio State:

Matt: I’ve been torn on this one all week. I could see Ohio State breaking open a huge lead and then sandbagging a bit as they rest guys for Michigan State next week. I could also see Ohio State breaking open a huge lead and then continuing to break open their lead until Tim Beckman’s spirit is completely shattered and Illini fans call for his job immediately a week after beating the West Division leader (at the time). That second option sounds more realistic, but with JT Barrett hurt and immobile, I think the Illini will at least keep the deficit under this gigantic spread. Illinois +28.5


That said, this is just sooooo many points. Illinois +28.5

Bob: I like Ohio State more than most people do, but this is too many points if we look at how the Buckeyes have hiccuped. It took Ohio State two overtimes to come away with a win at Penn State last Saturday, and now star quarterback J.T. Barrett carries a sprained MCL to the primetime slot in which he has struggled twice this season. Illinois +28.5