Welcome back to Don’t Call It A Picks Competition, our weekly column where Matt, Bob and Harry pick five college football games against the spread and make appalling jokes at pretty much everyone’s expense. As always, you’re invited to pick with us in the comment section, and we’ll post the standings each week.

Matt here. Just came from an exclusive lunch with two sources close to the DCIAPC production situation, and reports are that we completely forgot about this week’s edition because of Thanksgiving. Let’s get right to it with a shortened express edition.


In last week’s action,

  • SPORTS

  • WERE

  • PLAYED

Harry remains an asshole. I am now in last place.

Season Last Week
Harry 34-27 (.557) 3-2
Bob 27-34 (.443) 4-1
Matt 26-35 (.427) 3-2

Peanuts.

Win Percentage Season Record Last Week
Bernie .591 26-18 3-2
Sam .580 29-21 4-1
Lee .574 35-26 5-0
Jacob .533 32-28 4-1
Drew .510 26-25 4-1
Mike .490 25-26 2-3
Julian .451 23-28 4-1
Creed .446 25-31 2-3
Bobby .375 12-20

Remember to leave your picks in the comments!


Onto this week’s games. No times, just lines.

Illinois at Northwestern (-17)

Harry: Northwestern should win this one easily, but holy moly is that a lot of points. Too many for my taste. Illinois +17

Bob: No love lost in this one. Throw all reasoning and fancy shmancy “analytics” out the window on Saturday. Illinois +17

Matt: This will hinge on whether or not Illinois has completely given up on the season. I’m believe they have, and won’t be motivated enough to cover unless they get a lucky bounce/lead early. Northwestern -17

Duke at Miami (-15)

Harry: Another classic case of How Hard Will Miami Try To Win This Game, which feels a question we have to ask on a weekly basis. I say they try … but not hard enough! Canes win by 10-14. Duke +15

Bob: Duke is very bad. Miami -15

Matt: Miami is playing with a bit of pride late in the season here, which makes this a tough call. I say the ‘Canes win big. Miami -15

THE GAME — #3 Michigan at #2 Ohio State (-6.5)

Harry: Why is everyone destroying Michigan for its weak showing last week while completely ignoring that Ohio State beat a 3-8 Michigan State team by a single point? Michigan is marginally the better team here and they’re getting almost a touchdown. This is a no-brainer. Michigan +6.5

Bob: Gun to head, I would probably say Michigan is the better team. Especially with the top defense in the country, the Wolverines and these points is the easy pick here. Michigan +6.5

Matt: John O’Korn. Ohio State -6.5

Utah at #9 Colorado (-10)

Harry: Colorado looked great last week while Utah flopped at home to a bad Oregon team. Because of the subsequent decency bias, I think you’re getting about 2.5 free points here if you take Utah. I’ll happily do that. Utah +10

Bob: Utah looks quite overrated however you break down its statistical profile. This is more points than I’d like to give up, but I’m fairly confident in Colorado here. Colorado -10

Matt: 

(•_•)

<) )╯WOULD YOU LOOK

  / \

( •_•)

\( (> AT THESE BUFFS

  / \

(•_•)

<) )╯Colorado -10

  / \

#15 Florida at #14 Florida State (-7.5)

Harry: This year’s Seminole outfit simply isn’t good enough to lay more than a touchdown against a solid defensive squad like the Gators. Florida +7.5

Bob: Too many points in an almost-even matchup. Florida +7.5

Matt: Yeah. Florida +7.5

Leave your picks in the comments!

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